so tired of being so angry

Ooof. I walked into a church fellowship hall in Raleigh yesterday and a retired nurse stuck me with a dose of Dolly Parton’s COVID-19 vaccine. I cried all the way home with relief and catharsis. Then I got deeply, deeply angry. Again.

I am so angry at incompetence, selfishness, ignorance and what has felt – for the last year – like a collective shrug of the shoulders in the face of urgent emergency. I am working on tracing this anger to its root, and I am working on putting it to good use. It is very, very slow going.

Here’s what I do know: I can’t just choose not to be angry. This deep well of rage is not something I can dismiss or ignore. I think anger is good. It keeps me from despair. It makes room for the truth, as awful as the truth might be. It prevents me from reverting to the place where I was allowed to be blissfully unaware of the pain and grief of the world. And it keeps me alert to people and places who are acting with compassion, clarity and competence.

But I can’t live here in this state of sustained rage forever. I’m tired of being angry, tired of being presented with shiny new reasons for rage on a daily basis. I want this anger to be fuel, not poison. I want this rage to be met with receptivity and not disgust, companionship and not condescension.

I am still so angry. Are you?

3 comments

  1. sksweaver · March 7

    Yes, and I wonder if it is maybe something like anger has energy that sorrow and sadness and broken-heartedness do not. 😔😔😔

    Like

  2. Zeke · March 7

    Channel it sister
    Channel it!

    Like

  3. flora1414 · March 7

    Yes, I am dear friend. I have chosen to join together with others like yourself to speak truth to power. I believe that we have been tempted like Jesus in the Wilderness to forsake what we know about God. I just heard a sermon by my Pastor, Kayla Alphonse, at Miami First Church of the Brethren articulate what I believe you and she have recognized and called out; evil masquerades in many forms. As the Church in the 🌎; we must name it!
    I pray that everyone in our world receive this life giving vaccine and that like Pope Francis, we pray for all Christians, Jews and Muslims to live in peace! Dana, Leland and I love you for being a light in the dark ; and now Leland loved Kayla. Bless you both! Don’t stop crying, being angry or loving or working for peace and justice as you humbly and kindly invite others to walk with you. Hear our prayers, Oh Lord! Sharon Flora

    Like

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